Quiet screams but I refuse to listen.

Has anyone here ever wanted to just stand up one day, stop doing anything illegal, join a church (of any kind) and attend as is usual for said Church, and do charity on the weekends, never lie, steal, or cheat, take responisbility for your own actions, and devote any free time you had to honestly bettering yourself both physically and mentally. Doesn't such a solution seem despisingly attractive at times? I wonder if the people who do that don't sometimes wonder "What would it be like to drop all this and go live life raw, eat tons of red meat, drink every day and smoke like a fucking Chimney, that would be great." Either way, I sometimes think that, then think this might be a solution. I have never tried anything so extreme, and every time I have attempted an incremental increase in any category, it has just bumped out some other activity creating a constantly shifting war of good habits. Like some sick reverse-darwinistic titan; survival of the least fit to survive. The bad habits stick no problem, what I can do is decide to fix a bad habit by sacrificing a good habit. For instance I might stop chewing my nails by focusing on it, but as a process of this I would always have long nails, this would then cause a problem or be seen as a bad habit. It's a super-mutation of causal schemes which seems to mock all scientific theory, rational law, and simple logic. It also makes me think alot about it when I'm stoned, it's 6:02 AM, and I realize that I'm twenty years old. I don't know kung fu. I cannot execute a double handspring front flip. I don't know how to breakdance, fuck I can't even salsa. I am completly unable to even come close to licking one of my testicles. I don't want to relate to Napoleon Dynamite here, nor do I wish to refer myself to computer games and RPG's. But I do, and so I say that if you look at my skillset, it is kind of wack. I mean 20 years or (levels) of experience and I still can't do anything really cool. Let me put it this way, I feel that though the dreams of my childhood were wild and incomprhensible when examined abstractly, from the simple viewpoint of cool shit, Of "hey look he is doing cool shit", they were dead on. Honestly, in 20 years, I could have become a fucking Ninja, people do it all the time. Or I could be a bounty hunter, or a mercanary. You know, those things you had from when you were a kid and you didn't follow through. I should have followed through. Even if I hadn't brought them to their full conclusion. I would still be able to front flip, or perhaps fire a gun. I used to be fairly accurate with both paintball gun, handgun, and air rifle. Last time I went to the shooting range I sucked, although I did shoot the actual clip which holds the target and knocked the target down on accident with my only shot that didnt hit the target somewhere. But I digress, the point is I haven't spent my skill points wisely and generalized where I should have specialized, because then I would be really good at one thing right now. It's all good though, next time I level up I'm gonna upgrade my Ability to Function Inebriated to GrandMaster and since I automatically get Drink Legallay at Level 21, It's a good combo strat. Also I just knocked my speaker off my computer with my foot and then caught it with my foot on accident while trying to light a cigarette so I take back at least 2% of the I'm not a Ninja thing.